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I was a sex addict but God turned my life around

This is a testimony of someone who struggled with sex addiction for a long time and finally saw a breakthrough. He also talks about his journey back into the arms of our Father. MARCH 29, 2022.

I feel like I have heard many testimonies and wondered what those people were high on. Now here I am sharing my story so that Jesus Christ, my Lord and Saviour is glorified for his marvellous deeds in my life.

I am addicted to sexual pleasure, pornography, masturbation, the pleasures of the flesh and of the world. One of the most important things about fighting a battle is to understand your enemy and his weapons. So, we begin.

I was just another cradle catholic boy. An altar server, a choir member, my parents were active in church and in charismatic community living. But it was with all this pride and self-righteousness that I encountered Satan and his temptations and fell into sin. For he knew I was just another plastic person pretending to be a believer of Jesus Christ. I had no faith. My addiction started at a tender age. I was 12 when I first started masturbating. Soon after, Satan came to me in the faintest whisper from a friend in school. I will always remember the words of Satan, rather the shackles that I would allow him to bind me with for the next 20 years and more. Satan said to me, “Just type the word girl into the internet browser.” I was 14 when I first saw any kind of pornography.

Like a tooth cavity, the erosion of my soul caused by my sin did not reveal its ugliness overnight. Hidden from the light, it festered and worsened with every passing day, every compromise, every “it’s just this one-time” I told myself, every “I just want to try to know what it feels like” I convinced myself, every lie and whisper of Satan that I listened to and followed led me down a path of destruction in every nook and crevice of my life. My addiction and sin chiselled at my soul and broke my spirit.

Lost job, wife left

Fast forward to 2019, I was in my early 30s, I had a failing marriage that was a product of sin, recklessness, fear, lust, desire and much more. I had progressed to becoming a sex addict, having multiple sexual partners monthly that I paid to service me. On top of all this, I could no longer function as a normal person. I had to pleasure myself every hour as all I could think off was sexual pleasure. Soon after, I lost my job, my wife, my whole world came crumbling down and I spiralled into depression. I hit rock bottom.

God was watching me patiently all through this time as I ruined my life. Enduring the pain, I was self-inflicting on my soul. I was his child after all. My journey brought me back home. Through prayer and through His people, Jesus Christ slowly talked to me and sent me messages. Only this time in my brokenness, being at my lowest, and in complete surrender to God’s will not knowing what else to do. I cried out daily to him was I able to hear his voice and receive his prompts.

God led to me to one of his faithful warriors, a friend who I had started chatting with after a very long time. Through our conversations, I finally came to acknowledge that I had messed up my life through sin after sin after filthy sin, and I wept daily being unable to recognise the person in the mirror. I felt unworthy, deformed, ugly and disgusting. How could Jesus Christ ever want me back. Yet, I fervently desired just to be Holy and Pure again.

Touched by God

To become the decent, God fearing and God loving child of God that he made me to be. I long to be made whole again. So, I cried out in my brokenness and with my shattered soul. That is when I felt God’s touch and embrace. The closest I can describe the feeling is safe and complete peace and pure love. I felt myself wrapped in a warmth that made me stop my weeping and look around my room bewildered. Then I closed my eyes and fell into his warm and safe embrace. I knew I had been touched by God.

Soon after, God led me to reach out to a Deacon, who I have been close to and I sought his help and poured out my soul to him. Sharing with him what has happened in my life and my intention to return to God. I began journeying with the Deacon through hours of counselling sessions and prayer together, as he helped me identify the root causes of my sin, my marriage failure. He also helped me understand how my decisions and way of life have led me to where I am and how God’s grace is sufficient and is going to help me get back on the right path.

Even now, I am receiving deliverance from areas of my life that are being affected by generational curses and sin. As a bonus, God helped me reconnect to my local Charismatic Covenant Community and am journeying to make my own covenant in Jesus Christ and with this community. All these were good things that needed to happen to me but the greatest grace was going back to church and receiving forgiveness and mercy through the Sacraments of Confession and the Eucharist. These sacraments were the blessings that only Jesus Christ can give and made me feel worthy again as a child in God’s family. Truly, I felt as the prodigal son, returning to a feast and being celebrated, as I was dead and now have come back to life, I was lost and now am found.

Daily battle against sin

Life has been a roller coaster since then, with great days of joy and celebration and great days of pain and suffering. Facing challenge after challenge, I admit there have been times that I have fallen back into my old ways, some for longer period than others. Overcoming addictions are not easy or an overnight deal. It requires sacrifice, faithfulness, daily prayer and time to listen to God.

It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. There was a point when I considered, is there really any point to keep asking for forgiveness if I am just going to sin again the exact same sin. I got my answer loud and clear. God said to me, “Come back to me with all your heart, do not let fear keep us apart, for long have I waited for you to come home to me and live deeply our new life”. I do not walk alone. I have returned to God’s people and it is by my communion with Jesus Christ and God’s people that I have the strength to continue moving forward every day.

I hold on to this now, as I continue on my journey with Jesus Christ and my fight against the works of Satan in my life and those around me. Even in producing this testimony, I faced many challenges too that almost made me say I am not able to do this. But I surrendered to God and by faith, I let him guide me to write this.

Repentance and Holiness are not singular events. We must continue to seek God daily in all that we do. Just as it takes years for sin to take root and grow its vile fruit, so too in God’s time will Jesus Christ remove the roots of evil from us and sow seeds of life in us and heal our broken souls.

The Lord bless you and keep you,
The Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you,
The Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.
Amen.